From a strategy of influence to a theology of incarnation,

Andrew Root, a gang prevention counselor, urges that we move away from a strategy of influence to a theology of incarnation. Elsewhere he talks in terms of not seeing relationships in a goal-oriented way but rather as companionship-oriented. Root came to this understanding whilst working with young people in a church, he writes;

Suddenly, in the middle of an argument with my wife, I realized that in­fluence was not only threatening but deadly to relational ministry. We were newly married and my wife was experiencing a crisis in her family of ori­gin. As she shared her deep feelings of pain and suffering I found myself trying to fix things; I tried to influence her to see something this way or that, hoping it would solve her problems. Finally, exasperated with me, she stated in deep frustration, "Stop! Stop trying to fix things! I don't need you to fix this; I need you to be with me in it. Relationships aren't about making things better; they're about being together in each other's most difficult and painful moments; that's love."

Her words were transformative, not only to our relationship but also to how I understood incarnational youth ministry. I had been working so hard to make things better by influencing adolescents to do this or do that, to believe this or know that. But in the process I was more concerned with their decision, behavior or commitment than with their broken humanity that desired someone to share in their deepest sufferings through relation­ship. When I tried to influence them, I had neither the patience nor the vision to truly share in their suffering, to make it my own and to join my own broken humanity with theirs. I was so busy making assertions about heaven that I refused to see and accompany them in the darkness of their personal hells.[1]